This post was written by 2016 #RadLivin speaker and Editor in Chief of Tidal Magazine, Jess Abraham.
Life is essentially a continuous series of ebbs and flows. This year has been the most challenging of my professional/creative career, but it’s been through these challenges that I have learnt about these waves of energy, and more importantly how to ride with them.
To start from the beginning, the last three or so years I have been filled with a passion and a motivation that has been all-consuming; I have been so driven, so focused and so excited about building a business and all of the challenges, successes, stresses and milestones that come with that. But at the beginning of this year, something shifted and I went from feeling like my passion was burning me up from the inside out to feeling completely burnt out. It wasn’t just the business, there were a number of other personal and work related things going on that contributed, but I was suddenly just exhausted, permanently exhausted.
At first I couldn’t admit it to anyone. I think I was ashamed; I felt like admitting I was burnt out meant admitting that I didn’t love Tidal, that I wasn’t beyond proud of what we’d created and that I wasn’t excited about it anymore. But it didn’t mean that at all, I still loved Tidal more than anything, but I was going to stop loving it if I didn’t change something and if I didn’t change it soon.
Tidal Magazine began purely from a desire to create; to showcase the incredible young people we were being surrounded by and to support ocean conservation efforts while we were doing it. That’s what we’ve done every step of the way but as we’ve grown, so has the pressure, the stress, the workload and the costs. And as that side of things grew, I began finding myself becoming more and more weighed down by the “admin” side of the business, and quickly becoming distanced from the reason we began; because we loved and believed in something.
I think I was also feeling the pressure to make Tidal a business, and while I thought for a long time that’s what I wanted, it’s not. I wholeheartedly believe we are where we are now because being a business was never the intention. But as things were moving so fast I was swept up in it, and the burden of shouldering all of the pressure and responsibility was quickly becoming heavier. It was absolutely an instantaneous shift, one day I woke up and just couldn’t find one ounce of energy in my body to keep going with it.
Flash forward six months and right now I should be spending my Saturday finalising the content for our next issue, writing articles, overseeing shoots, working with advertisers, updating our website, shipping orders, outlining expenses and organising events.. amongst a million other day to day tasks that come with owning a business. Instead, I’ve spent the day walking my dog at sunrise, watched whales dance along the coastline, drank coffee with a friend, read a book in the sun and tonight I’ll cook dinner for some of my favourite people.
Stepping back from Tidal has been one of the scariest yet most liberating decisions I have ever made. To clarify, I have in no way stopped Tidal; I just wrapped up the biggest event we’ve ever held which was months of work. I’m still emailing everyday and slowly putting together content ideas for Tidal 5, but I’ve made a conscious effort to take away all the stress and pressure and just let the journey flow naturally. To take time to be in the ocean everyday, to surf, to feel the sun on my skin, to have whirlwind weekends away with my closest friends, to read books, to explore the coastline that is my backyard, to dream and to plan outside of Tidal.
This is still something that I’m struggling to write about, because I’m conscious that everyone who reads this will be at a very different stages of their journeys; whether that’s personal, business, creative.. and for some it will resonate greatly, but for others they’ll be feeling that unshakeable passion and maybe won’t understand.
I think it’s important we talk about every part of business and life in general; that we’re real in all of our experiences, both the good and the bad.
(Photo @onenightstandsleepwear)
I think the creative community is incredible; it’s inspiring and energising and unlike anything else I’ve ever been a part of, but it can also be isolating and it can unintentionally put a lot of pressure on you. I felt guilty feeling burnt out when I could see so many incredible people around me being so fearless in the pursuit of building their business, their project, their brand, their idea. I felt like just being me, just existing, wasn’t enough – that I had to always be contributing something, always creating something. What’s been really interesting though in taking a step back from Tidal and being quite open about the fact that I need some time to re-group, is how many others in the creative community around me have admitted they feel the same way. That they’re tired or unmotivated or disheartened with the response to their project. And that’s okay, and not only is it okay but it’s completely normal to feel that way.
It’s only natural that when you pour so much of yourself into something ,there’s going to be times where you can’t sleep at night you’re so excited, but there’s also going to be times where you’re exhausted and mentally drained and you just want a break from it all.
I think the most important thing is acknowledging when you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out and consciously making a decision about how to move forward, rather than just ignoring it and pushing through until the thing you love becomes something you resent.
Don’t get me wrong, I still see huge value in passion projects and businesses and taking risks and pouring yourself into something, but we shouldn’t be defined by what we do or what we’ve created, but by who we are as individuals. So much of my identity is tied up in Tidal. That’s something that I’m incredibly proud of and don’t want to change, but this year has reminded me that there are so many other parts to me as well. There’s the conservationist, writer, creative, surfer.. all parts of me that are equally as important as Editor-in-Chief and all parts that I need to nurture in order to be able to be Editor-in-Chief. When I am the very best version of myself – the healthiest, happiest, most inspired and rested version, I’m going to give the best of myself to every other part of my life, and have the most positive impact possible.
So that’s where I’m at now. I really have no idea what I’m doing, but that’s okay. And while I don’t know where the future of Tidal lies, I’m okay with that as well, because I know that what we’ve built is genuine and authentic and transcends a momentary existence. We’ve built a community and that will remain no matter what happens.
Follow Jess’ journey on Instagram x
