Self- Love: Speaking From Your Heart

Monday // September 23 // 2013

 

The other week I chatted with Maddison Vernon on her Self-Love webinar, ‘Perfectionists Guide to Practicing Self-Love’. When Maddison asked me to join her,  I almost said no. My thoughts were racing about what I would speak about and I didn’t feel prepared. Despite my uncomfortableness trickling in, my feelings of saying yes overruled. I’m someone that likes to be prepared for things, not for fear of making mistakes, but fear of not adding as much value as I can. If listeners were going to tune into a webinar about self-love, I wanted to be able to give them what they needed in order to help them on their journey. While beginning to map out what I wanted to say, I suddenly stopped because it didn’t feel right.

I had all of the answers already within me and made an agreement to myself that if I was going to plan it would only involve these three things: be open, be honest and speak from the heart. My heart had a bank of experiences readily available for me to share, I just had to open it up and get out of the way.

By allowing myself to step aside, I was able to share things with Maddison that my conscious mind wouldn’t have allowed me to say. My conscious mind, the part of me that didn’t want to speak my full truth, would have felt too vulnerable to open up and share. But before I jumped online to chat, I felt the truth come out. We do not want to hear someone’s story or the funny joke, all we seek from others is their truth.

We want to be able to relate and know that someone else is going through what we’re going through. Something came up during the webinar that I did not plan on sharing but it was my truth; it was the turning point in my self-love journey. If I wasn’t in the space of speaking from my heart, the truth would have never come out and I wouldn’t have been able to fully give myself to the listeners. This turning point was when I said sorry to myself.

Throughout my self-love journey, I’ve done what ever I feel is right for me to do in that moment. This led me to the uncomfortable, yet beautiful moment of “I’m Sorry.” One evening I was sitting in my room and felt pulled to stand in front of the mirror. I looked at myself, while mouthing, “I’m sorry.” I was saying sorry to myself, my soul.

It was like apologising to this beautiful part of me that had been with me all along; a part that I didn’t fully accept and love, but had always loved me unconditionally. It had been with me throughout my life, supporting me at every moment.

A part of me knew that it was there all along because I could feel the love within but just hadn’t fully acknowledged its presence. We all have this part within ourselves. It’s that feeling that comes up when you’re about to take a risk, or go for something that you truly want.  It’s the part of you that says ‘go for it, everything will be ok, you are supported.’ I was completely uncomfortable yet felt the biggest sigh of relief as if finally it was ok to not separate from my self. It was an overwhelming feeling of love as I told that part of me, ‘now that I’ve recognized that you’re here, I will give the love back unconditionally.’ By allowing my heart to come forward during my talk, I was able to peel back the layers and get to the true, transformational point in my self-love journey. It’s something that I could have never planned or practiced repeatedly, because your heart doesn’t need to practice, it needs you to give it the permission to come forward.

Unlocking Decisions

Wednesday // August 14 // 2013

image

If you have an inkling to say yes to something, do it. I’m someone that has always made lists of positives and negatives, talked to every friend and family member, and replayed different scenarios in my head before making a decision. But at the end of the day, if I was even considering saying yes to something, I would do it. So why make it so hard on myself? It’s so much easier to say yes and then either stop or switch gears then to say no and have a sense that you didn’t go for it.

There will be times in your life where you will have many different options – places to live, study, travel, relationships, career paths… Sometimes we put more options down than need to be there. These options seem like a good idea (hey, it’s better to have a choice in a situation than to not!) we put those options in “just to have the option” or just to play out that scenario in our heads so that we feel safe.

When selecting where to move to after I graduated, I listed out about ten different places. Let me tell you, I threw in some randoms. Ones that I couldn’t care less about at the end of the day. Why did I do that? To make my decision not seem so black and white, not so just California or Sydney, not so safe or risky.

When listing down those choices, nix the ones that are there just to be there. Nix the ones that you are indifferent to. You wouldn’t want to choose something that you feel just indifferent to, so why even bring it into the picture? Keep the ones that excite you, and keep the one that scares you. The one that excites you and the one that scares you could quite possibly be the same choice. The one that scares you is probably the one that you will grow from, while also seeming like it could be a risk.

It’s ok if you don’t have a roadmap or a set of guidelines to follow from those before you. It gives you freedom to carve out the path for yourself and pave it for those to come. Go with your gut, listen to your heart, and just go for it! xx

Self-Love: How to Show up For Yourself

Wednesday // July 31 // 2013

image

Think of your best friend… what feelings come up for you when you think about him or her? When I think of mine, I feel it in my heart. I instantly feel at ease and I am filled with warmth and love.

Now think of yourself… do those same feelings arise as they did when you thought of your friend?

When that feeling of unconditional love for yourself doesn’t instantly come up it means that it’s time to shift some beliefs and be conscious of how you think about and treat-a-bout yourself.

Let’s go through some tips on how we can totally love and accept ourselves.

Feel your Feelings. A close friend once told me “feelings wants to be felt.” It was such a simple thing but made a massive impact on how I react to my own feelings. It’s so easy to brush your feelings aside and look for a quick fix. I used to think that if I could tell myself enough positive affirmations then my unwanted feelings would instantly go away. When a feeling comes up that’s joyful or not so joyful, feel it. You don’t need to sit in the uncomfortableness for hours, just enough to let it know that you have acknowledged it.

Once you acknowledge it, it will then have the chance to pass through you. Allowing your feelings to come forward helps you to accept and love you for everything that you are going through and let’s yourself know ‘hey it’s ok that I’m not feeling totally rad today, there’s nothing wrong with that and I don’t need to hide it from myself.’

Forgive yourself. Remember that you’re human and that it’s ok to make mistakes.

If your best friend came to you and told you that she messed up, you’d let her off the hook in two seconds and already have Sex and the City streaming. So let’s try and do this with ourselves.

If I find myself wishing that I would have done or said something differently, I bring myself back into the present and say ‘you did the best that you could with the information that you had and I accept you.’ This is an important one when communicating with others. When you communicate from a place of love and authenticity and the outcome doesn’t come out exactly the way you wanted, really let yourself off the hook and love the fact that you spoke your truth.

Be an ally. Be there for you. When you reach a goal, master a new skill or face a fear, praise yourself! Let yourself know how rad you are. When you have a tough day, be there for yourself and most importantly, speak positively to yourself! Speak to yourself the same way you would to someone that you love.

Presence.  If you’re new to self-love it’s important to understand that this is something that takes time. Your thoughts and decisions about how you treat yourself will come up in different situations and it is up to you to choose a loving response on a moment-to-moment basis.

Being present will help assist you in easily choosing a loving response and letting yourself know that you are accepted, loved and complete in that moment.

Say no. When things don’t sit well with you, let yourself off the hook. It’s ok to say no, you don’t need to push yourself. Releasing others’ expectations will give you permission to do the things that will fuel your soul.

Say yes to yourself.  I love chia seeds and green juice just as much as the next Bondi blogger but when I want ice cream, I get it. If there’s something that you love and want to have, why punish yourself for it?

Don’t Scare yourself – This is a big one that I learned from Louise Hay. We sometimes tell ourselves the worst possible scenario could happen and think of all the little things that could go wrong. You wouldn’t turn to your best friend and tell them all of the things that could go wrong in their life, so why would you turn in and tell such things to yourself?

When you watch your thoughts and notice that you are starting to think about worst case scenarios shine some light on it and acknowledge that what you’re thinking is actually ridiculous! When you tune into your thoughts and you realise that you’re scaring yourself it almost seems funny that you would even think to put yourself through that.

Don’t Wait. Don’t wait until you get the job, the relationship, the summer tan… don’t wait to love yourself when you’re at a high point. You will build a closer, more nurturing relationship with yourself if you learn to love you in every scenario.